i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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