I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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