her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize