I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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