I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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