I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
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We talked him into tasing himself.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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