that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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