So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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