I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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