he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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