woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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