He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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