I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize