do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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