when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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