I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize