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So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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