I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize