is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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