Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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