i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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