i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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