So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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