He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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