Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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