I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
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you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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