I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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