help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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