dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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