I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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