He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize