when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize