I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize