Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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