everyone is single if you try hard enough
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
