I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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