i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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