Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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