Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize