Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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