Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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