..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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