I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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