Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize