We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize