i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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