So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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