Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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