she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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