Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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