She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize