I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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