I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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